Being a Dude And What To Do About Rape

rape…I went to a mother-daughter potluck and we started talking about what it’s like to be a girl and how we can help our own girls survive and be strong. And when one of them mentioned my book, I explained why I wanted to write in a boy POV and why I want boys to read it. How boys are so frequently vilified in rape books and I wanted to show the other side. And one of the moms asked me, “How old were you when you first experienced a sexual act that you didn’t consent to?” and I answered, “Five or six.” And the hardest part was that there probably wasn’t a woman in that room that could answer, “Oh, I’ve never experienced that.” Because in one way or another, almost every woman I know has experienced that. Which sucks.

And finally, I had this amazing meeting with these guys who are all really jazzed about doing something really important in changing the landscape of violence against women. And one of the guys there said, “You know, most guys really care about this issue, they just don’t know what to do to help.”

So now I’m going to give you some very tangible things to do (if you are a dude or a parent of a dude or just someone who cares and would like to do something).

  • I think you all have this one covered. Don’t rape people. If someone consents when she is conscious and is later unconscious or only slightly conscious, don’t have sex with her. We KNOW this. This is not a gray area. Sex with someone who isn’t conscious is rape.

But honestly, that’s not where people are floundering and inadvertently…


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