Commander Crankypants

crankypantsOnce upon a time, the Prince of Hopenchange stomped angrily around the White Castle, jumped on the furniture, and kicked his golf bag so hard he snapped the shaft of his favorite putter.
Why was he so filled with rage?
Because he’d been told “NO YOU CAN’T” for the very first time in his life.
For months the Prince had campaigned for tough new gun control laws.
For months he had traveled hither and yon, toughing it out in five-star golf resorts, accompanied by teleprompters, a trunk of masks, valets, drama coaches, and food tasters.
At every venue, once the teleprompter was in place, the Prince would begin his three-act novella, wearing his care-and-concern mask. He’d open with “Oh dear! Oh dear! We must take away the really scary looking rifles and register every single gun, irregardless of its size or shape. And, we must act quickly, quickly, quickly, before another mass shooting occurs.”
In act two, the Prince would don his liar-liar-pants-on-fire mask and declare that 90% of the citizens really truly wanted all guns to be registered.
Then, in act three, he’d wear his great-and-powerful-all-knowing wizard mask and demand that every citizen do the right thing in order to prevent guns from ever again harming infants, children, teenagers, moms, dads, grandmothers, or grandfathers.
If his audience didn’t seem to be buying his propaganda, the prince would pull on his I-feel-your-pain-mask and beg them to help him keep the country safe.
(Secretly, he hoped the citizens/sheeple wouldn’t connect the dots from gun registration to gun confiscation to unopposed government control and riots led by hoodlums armed with un-registered illegal weapons. This might require the militia to step in and . . . whoopsie! Never you mind, that’s a    story for another day.)
But, oh drats! The stupids who clung to their guns and their God didn’t buy his sales pitch. They saw right through his masks and three-act presentation. Instead of bowing to his demands, they pressured their elected representatives to block gun registration.
After the vote went against the Prince’s agenda, the citizens celebrated. “You can’t steal our 2nd Amendment Rights. No way! No how! (This really pissed him off!)
Enraged over his political (and esteem) loss, the Prince of Hopenchange donned his Commander Crankypants mask and delivered a testy…

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