Hair for Hope Charity Pleads for Jodi Arias’ Life

pleadingWEST PALM BEACH, FL – In an emotional plea last Tuesday, Jodi Arias begged that the jury sentence her to a life in prison instead of the death penalty. Along with her plea she drove a hard bargain by promising that in return for her life she would start a prison book club, try really hard to recycle, continue to donate her hair to the Locks of Love charity, and teach Spanish to fellow inmates who are not already fluent – a very useful skill in Arizona penitentiaries.

While the jury took the necessary time to write up “pros and cons” on a courthouse chalkboard – weighing the benefits of Arias’ offer against the responsibility of supporting with tax dollars the life of a psychotic felon – president of the Hair for Hope, Bethany W. Libel, hurriedly issued the following statement, pleading for Arias’ life.

To The Jury,

As president of the Hair for Hope charity, I would like formally state that our organization begs you [the jury] to grant Jodi Arias her life in prison – so that every 12 to 14 months she may be able to donate some of her hair, assuming that she is able to maintain long, beautiful, and healthy hair when living in hell.

Look, we get it. She stabbed her boyfriend in the shower over 30 times, slit his throat, shot him in the head, and pleaded guilty. But let me tell you something, I’ve seen a lot of hair in my day, and brunettes like Jodi are few and far between. If you sentence her to death, you will not only be taking away her life, but also eliminating any hope for us to once again be blessed with a long and healthy lock of Jodi’s natural brown hair.

Plus, even though Jodi’s actions have unquestionably decimated the lives and happiness of her deceased ex’s friends and family – as well as the reputation of her own family – we just have this gut instinct that she will make a great teacher. In recent years America’s prisoner test scores have been embarrassingly low. By keeping Jodi around we could not only have more bi-lingual inmates, but even more importantly ones who can appreciate classic and/or modern literature.

When making your [the juries] decision, please just focus less on the fact that Jodi committed one of the most gruesome domestic murders in the past decade and more so on that she is a “go getter” who’s yearning for a chance to change the lives of inmates and cancer patients alike.

Yours truly,

Bethany W. Libel

President – Hair for Hope

In Other News:

– Jodi Arias States She Also Knows How to Teach Juggling

– 10 Ways to Tell if Your Girlfriends Could Be a Psycho Killer

– 10 Reasons You’re Already F***** If You Realize Your Girlfriend is a Psycho Killer


About the author: Sebastian Scholl

My interests are extremely varied, as I am a musician, artist, athlete and scholar. Over my first 21 years I’ve had my artwork commissioned, performed music and dance publicly, become a nationally recognized athlete in multiple sports, critiqued film festivals, created a new style of photography, represented a major clothing brand and traveled around the world on more than one occasions. Born in Miami, Florida, my mother and father believed that developmental learning through travel was the highest quality education. Thus, my siblings and I were each home-schooled till the ninth grade. Wings ready or not, by then we were ready to leave the nest. Starting high school, I attended a boarding school for two years in the heart of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. Here I developed an obsessive passion for whitewater kayaking. For my junior year, an opportunity arose that allowed me to travel for the year with my kayak, while staying on course academically; I never looked back. I soon found myself paddling the small creeks of southern Mexico to the colossal river valleys of western China. After the dream ended, though, I finished high-school back in Colorado at a public school, where I believe I had my first "normal" experience...ever. Since then I've spent my past three years at Boston University pursuing a life of opportunity, and have yet to rest in hopes of finding one that best suits me.

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