Pinnacle of Political Correctness: 21 Shameful Ways We Are Forcing Children To Be Sissies

1. We punish them for being brave

Teen Prevents Knife Attack, Gets Reprimanded

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A Calgary student was scolded for being involved in an incident with a weapon. Sounds pretty legitimate until you realize that he was stopping a potential stabbing from happening in his classroom. School officials hope to make the wayward vigilante an example to any other student who foolishly mistakes saving a life for an act of heroism.

2. We make them fear friendship

Kindergarten Girl Suspended for Threatening to Use Hello Kitty Bubble Gun

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A young girl was temporarily removed from school for talking about using a bubble gun that she didn’t even have with her. In a typical five-year-old statement, the girl is quoted as saying that she wanted to shoot herself and her friends with the gun “so that they could all be together.” Such adorably flawed logic melts the hearts of most people, but for her school district, it was enough to spur a three-hour interrogation.

3. We don’t let them be themselves

Deaf Preschooler Asked to Change Name Because ASL Version Looks Like a Weapon

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One preschool is demanding that a deaf three-year-old change his name because the way he signs it could somehow be mistaken for a weapon. School officials claim that the whole thing is a big misunderstanding, but are continuing to ask the boy to change his name, leading many to wonder exactly what the misunderstanding is.

4. We punish them for sticking to their beliefs

Girl Suspended for Touching Pill

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A seventh grade girl in Indiana was suspended for ten days for violating her school’s drug policy by saying “no” to Adderall. When one of her classmates offered her the pill and placed it into her hand, the girl declined the drug and returned it to its owner immediately. School officials kicked her out of school for possession, and the girl decided that next time she’d say, “Eh, maybe once,” to drugs.

5. We reprimand them for pulling harmless pranks

Teen Arrested for Yelling “Bingo” in Bingo Hall

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A boy was arrested for causing alarm to patrons because a bunch of elderly players looked up when he walked into a bingo hall and yelled “bingo.” While the judge pretty much laughed off the case, getting cuffed over a case of boys will be boys is a pretty harsh overreaction.

6. We force them to be more dependent.

Mom Arrested for Letting Kids Play Outside

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A Texas woman’s neighbor called the cops after seeing kids playing outside in the cul-de-sac where they live. The policeman who arrived at the scene proceeded to take the mother to jail citing reckless endangerment of children, presumably because arresting people is way more policeman-y than not arresting people. The woman spent eighteen hours in prison, and your hard-earned tax dollars wept silently in the corner.

7. We don’t let them play with their food

Seven-Year-Old Suspended For Gun-Shaped Poptart

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A young boy received a two-day suspension for biting a toaster pastry into the shape of a gun. The NRA gave the boy a free lifetime membership because one good lapse in logic deserves another. The student’s school offered counseling to anyone who was affected by the shocking sight of a half-eaten Poptart, which surely made the school psychologist feel like her Masters degree was finally being put to good use.

8. We don’t let them get their hands dirty

Kid Punished for Bag of Dirt Because It Looked Like Pot

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A first grader in Missouri was given a two-day in-school detention and now has a mark on her school record because she put dirt in a bag, tied it with a hair scrunchie, and gave it to her friend as a present. Her teacher decided to punish her after making the observation that the bag of dirt looked like a bag of weed, except brown and rocky and not resembling weed at all.

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