Huffington Post writer and unintentional satirist Matthew Lynch wrote Friday that while he has, “made a number of mistakes in recent years…Barack Obama is one of the greatest presidents America has ever seen”. In a pastiche of a twelve year old girl drooling over her favorite boy band, Lynch goes on to list twelve reasons why Obama is, “one of the best presidents ever”…ever!
After spending an almost embarrassing amount of time checking that this list didn’t come from The Onion or any other satirical publication, I decided to go through this sycophantic list and find everything that is wrong with it. Sadly, I am limited in how many words I’m allowed to publish for this article, so I won’t be able to criticize everything I want to. However, keep in mind that Lynch’s article is so extremely fallacious and nonsensical I could satisfy a dissertation’s word quota pointing out all of the problems in it.
1. He Is For The People
I have no idea what this means. This is one of those vapid, hollow phrases that only seems to make sense if you’re either living in the novel 1984 or don’t think about it too much. Either way, clocking in at a historically low approval rating of under 40%, even if Obama is for the people, the people aren’t for him. Though I’m not quite sure which people Lynch is referring to, I am confident that he is not talking about the millions of people who lost their health insurance due to the disastrous Obamacare, or the half dozen American citizens the Obama Administration has killed without due process via drone strikes.
2. He is For Civil Rights
Again, this is such an infantile and ambiguous statement that I honestly have no idea what the author means by it. This seems a strange thing to give Obama credit for, as I can not think of anyone born in the last fiftyish years who would consider themselves ‘against civil rights’. Lynch cites Obama’s support of gay marriage as one of his crowning achievements in the struggle for civil rights. However, the most profound thing Obama has done to advance gay rights was to once say he was for gay marriage in the middle of his reelection campaign. Lynch makes Obama out to be a great martyr for gay rights, but in terms of actually doing something, Obama has done as much for the gay rights movement as Michelle Bachman has.
3. He is for one race-the human race
I can’t reconcile this claim with the fact that the Obama Administration has slaughtered countless Syrian, Pakistani civilians in drone strikes. In fact, Obama has become a more drone happy president in four years than Bush was in eight.
*Also, keep in mind were it not for ex KGB member Vladimir Putin, this great humanitarian would have started World War Three with another war in Syria.
4. He is for a healthcare system that brings hope and healing to the hurting
All alliteration aside, this is perhaps the strangest claim for Lynch to make. Especially considering the author wrote this only a few days after it was reported that the Obama Administration knew millions of American’s would lose their health insurance because of Obamacare.
Not only is Obama not giving people a healthcare system that brings anyone hope or healing, he isn’t brining anyone a healthcare system at all. The President is in fact the very reason why many hurting Americans won’t have health insurance altogether. At the end of the article, Lynch claims that anyone who after reading his list still disagrees that President Obama is one of the best presidents ever isn’t thinking objectively. This is a morbidly hilarious statement to make considering the fact that Obamacare has come under almost unanimous, bipartisan criticism. Obamacare is so terrible that even the president has apologized for it. The fact that Mr. Lynch seems to be the only person in the country not appalled by the president’s healthcare plan makes me think that he isn’t following the news or thinking objectively.
5. He is for the middle class
As opposed to all of those people who are against the middle class? Again, at an approval rating lower than George Bush’s, even if Obama is for the middle class, at this point the middle class isn’t for him.
6. He is for women’s rights
Which women are we talking about here? Surely not the thousands of innocent women and children who have been killed overseas in needless drone strikes. What about women’s right to privacy that has been eviscerated by the NSA? I won’t say that Obama is actively hindering women’s rights, but most of the things he has done for women’s rights have been symbolic or politically prudent. He is no detriment to women’s rights, but let’s not delude ourselves into thinking he is some great champion of them either.
7. He is doing away with pomp and circumstance
My first objection to this is, how the hell does this factor into what makes a good President? My second is that this simply isn’t true. Obama is one of the most gilded President’s of all time. With his constant posse of celebrities and rappers, you can’t tell me with a straight face that the President is a regular Joe. Lynch says that he finds the President humorous. I’ll agree with him here, but for more macabre reasons. I also find the President humorous, but only when I see him sputtering out the lies written on his teleprompter while his followers pretend that he isn’t a more shameful version of Richard Nixon.
8. He is for the environment
I don’t have any huge issues with this. Though it is worth considering what a debacle green energy has been recently. Does anyone remember Solyndra?
9. He is for veterans
If you’re as skeptical about this as I am, all you need to do is check Mr. Lynch’s twitter feed and read the angry comments from actual veterans begging to differ. Lynch claims that Obama, “has consistently promoted the allocation of funds, increased benefit, [and] job opportunities” to veterans. Though Lynch fails to name anything specific the President has done to help veterans, he feels that it is enough that Obama, “has always been a responsible and thoughtful commander-in-chief”. You’re welcome veterans! While Lynch doesn’t list anything specific, I can. Remember in 2009 when the Obama Administration proposed a measure to remove veterans with private insurance from the VA’s health insurance? Lynch may not remember, but I’d imagine veterans do.
10. He is for peace
I almost choked laughing. Obama is for peace like Obama is for privacy. In his list, Lynch implores his readers to, “never forget that Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize”. I implore, all of you to remember that this was an absolute farce that was heavily criticized by just about everyone. Obama won his peace prize in 2009, barely twelve months after entering office, for simply not being George Bush. Obama ended the war in Iraq, kinda, not really, but then he went and tried to start a war with Syria. Obama killed more people with unmanned predator drones in one term than his predecessor did in two, and has been widely criticized by many on the left for being a war hawk.
Fun fact: Obama has killed more innocent civilians than all other Nobel Peace Prize winners combined.
11. He is for education
“Obama has set a goal for the U.S. to have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world by 2020”. If a lofty goal makes Obama the best president of all time, then my goal to marry Natalie Portman by 2016 makes me the world’s most handsome man. Obama has increased federal funding for students seeking higher education, but it is paradoxically these very handouts that keep tuition so high. See a wonderful report on this by the CATO Institute here.
12. He is for entertaining the masses
Lynch really should have ended the article at eleven… This not a reason for determining how good a job a president is doing. The fact that this should even make it on such a list is terrifying to me. If you need someone to explain why President Obama’s ability to ‘entertain the masses’ does not make him the ‘best president ever’ you are completely hopeless, and possibly a deluded Huffington Post columnist.
Follow the author, Patrick Kane, at www.facebook.com/HeroinPuppies or on Twitter @PatVKane