Satire with Sepp: President Obama Diffuses North Korean Tensions by Handing Over US Territories

Obama KoreaWASHINGTON – In an impressive display of international diplomacy, earlier today President Obama put to rest the growing tension between the US and North Korea.  While wearing a North Korean Military uniform – to show respect – aboard communist leader Kim Jong Un’s private yacht, the President offered the US territories of Guam, Puerto Rico, United States Virgin Islands, and American Samoa, in exchange for North Korea to withdraw their threats.


“America has always been considered a bully by other countries.  It is necessary that we take meaningful steps towards changing that reputation”, said the President in a press release this morning.  “We must demonstrate that America is willing to compromise and be understanding of other nations.”


Originally, Un’s goal was to launch a nuclear missile attack on the US, declaring war with the goal of obliterating our country.  However, President Obama was certain that they could meet somewhere in the middle.  He explained to Un that the US was interested in keeping their country, though; he completely understood why North Korea would want to blow us to hell.  Thus, Un, who is now very enthusiastic about future US relations, willingly accepted the offer of the four major US territories.


The peace offering has been coined Barrack’s Munich Agreement – since the President successfully appeased Kim Jong Un similarly to how democratic nations appeased Hitler by handing over Poland and Hungary in 1938.


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About the author: Sebastian Scholl

My interests are extremely varied, as I am a musician, artist, athlete and scholar. Over my first 21 years I’ve had my artwork commissioned, performed music and dance publicly, become a nationally recognized athlete in multiple sports, critiqued film festivals, created a new style of photography, represented a major clothing brand and traveled around the world on more than one occasions. Born in Miami, Florida, my mother and father believed that developmental learning through travel was the highest quality education. Thus, my siblings and I were each home-schooled till the ninth grade. Wings ready or not, by then we were ready to leave the nest. Starting high school, I attended a boarding school for two years in the heart of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. Here I developed an obsessive passion for whitewater kayaking. For my junior year, an opportunity arose that allowed me to travel for the year with my kayak, while staying on course academically; I never looked back. I soon found myself paddling the small creeks of southern Mexico to the colossal river valleys of western China. After the dream ended, though, I finished high-school back in Colorado at a public school, where I believe I had my first "normal" experience...ever. Since then I've spent my past three years at Boston University pursuing a life of opportunity, and have yet to rest in hopes of finding one that best suits me.

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