Super Bowl Satire: Harbaugh Boys Miss Super Bowl While Attempting To Solve Mystery Of Smugglers Cove

the onionNEW ORLEANS—Tied up with their efforts to crack their most intriguing case yet, sources confirmed Sunday that the Harbaugh Boys missed the first half of Super Bowl XLVII while attempting to solve The Mystery of Smugglers Cove.

According to sources, the amateur sleuths and head football coaches—Jim, the younger, brown-haired, and more fiery and brash of the two, and John, the older, brown-haired brother, who is also fiery and brash—failed to make kickoff for the championship matchup between the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens while investigating the mysterious circumstances surrounding the theft of a cache of priceless gems, just the latest case taken on by the prodigious detective duo.

“In between finding the jewels, stopping that ring of diamond smugglers, and our unexpected excursion to Parrot Island, we completely forgot about the big game!” Jim Harbaugh told reporters, untangling his headset and tugging his windbreaker over his shoulders before rushing into the 49ers’ locker room. “Luckily, Old Man Hobson didn’t mind giving us a ride back to the Superdome in his seaplane. That’s two favors we owe him now.”

The Harbaugh Boys have reportedly wowed football fans and law enforcement alike with their impressive feats both on and off the field. In their latest exploit, the pair reportedly worked together to uncover the secrets surrounding the disappearance of valuable gemstones loaned out to the New Orleans Natural History Museum by the Countess Grafton. Sources confirmed that the case led the brothers through a labyrinthine adventure featuring hidden passageways, a steamy bayou filled with deadly crocodiles, and a mysterious blonde-haired man in a …


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