Al Qaeda Throws in the Turban

turbans stackedOnce upon a time (in 2013), the terrorist group known as Al Qaeda, conceded defeat and gave up their battle to destroy the financial structure of the infidel—the United States of America.
Why? Because someone did the job for them. (And no, it wasn’t Allah.)
Out of the wings of Washington’s political stage stepped Johnny, Harry, and Barry, (meaning Baynor, Reid, and Obama), speaking for their band of 535 merry jackasses and elephants. They launched a wildly inventive drama designed to hold the future of 308 million people (including children and grandchildren) hostage and included a spirited game of “kick-the-fiscal-can” down the road.
What exactly was their plan?
The mother of all bombs?
A zombie attack?
Onslaught of killer bees?
Viral prickly heat rashes?
Not even close.
Inspired by Chicken Little’s “the sky is falling, the sky is falling,” the diabolical plot introduced a mythical financial clock that ticked down to the end of the year. Harry stood at the Senate podium and rubbed his hands in mock distress as he fabricated a terror frenzy. He vividly described the calamity that would befall America when the non-existent financial clock ticked its final “tock” and the entire country plunged over the also non-existent “fiscal cliff.”
Johnnie, Harry, and Barry stuck to their script, and urged everyone to get on board to prevent the plunge over the fiscal cliff.
Barry begged, “just give me the money.” He double pinky promised, “not to worry, my precious taxpayers. Giant spending cuts will follow . . . soonish. I swear to God.” Since he was not immediately French fried by lightening, everyone believed him, rolled over, played dead to common sense, and gave him what he wanted.
It wasn’t long until growing numbers of citizens caught onto the ploy. They’d been snookered. Taxes went up for everyone, including the middle class. Unjust punishment was levied against job creators to force them to stop creating jobs. As for spending cuts? Never happened! America’s debt continued to snowball into a monster that would crush the future freedoms of the children and grandchildren.
And thus, financial disaster for America had been set into motion without one trigger finger being lifted by Al Qaeda whose members bowed in respect for the skill and foresight of a ruthless and covert domestic terrorist group known as “congress.”
Al Qaeda (in partnership with Al Jazerra TV) shifted focus to weaponize their newly acquired American cable network, purchased from the greedy former vice-president of the country.
And thus, Al Qaeda moved along their desired path to deliver brainwashing television programs that could influence pimply teenage boys to strap on home-made bombs, proclaim “Allah Akbar” (God is greatest) and blow themselves to smithereens in crowded pizza parlors.
Does this story have a happy ending? Probably not.


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