How To Catch Flak

Screen Shot 2014-10-13 at 9.20.39 AMA wise old man once told me, “If you aren’t catching flak, you aren’t close enough to the target.” My first thought was, what in the world is flak? Then, once I found out it means antiaircraft fire and shelling, I thought, why in the world would I want to catch that? But his point was this, it’s an honor to be targeted, like Dsuza.

It’s an honor to be imprisoned, like the biblical prophets. It’s an honor to stand on the side of liberty, even if you face a difficult battle, like our forefathers. It’s an honor to catch flak, so here’s a quick list to help you get some in your life.

1. Stand Up for The Constitution and Bill of Rights.

The constitution defends freedom, privacy, and the right to bear arms. Freedom to have your own opinions, and disagreements, in a respectful non-beheading manner.  Ben Affleck is being praised for his unyielding defense of Islam in this video, claiming that our forefathers gave us these rights. In the Declaration of Independence, what they really claim is that all men are endowed by their CREATOR certain unalienable rights.

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Around 2:05 in the video, he starts to say creator, then corrects himself. By the way, Muslim isn’t a race, Arab is a race. We are not racist. Islamaphobes, sure, maybe, although I wouldn’t call it a phobia since they really are trying to kill us. Furthermore, who are they to deny someone the right to fear a ‘women’s rights denying, genital mutilation endorsing, child-bride supporting, tolerance beheading’ religion?

2. Support anything Liberals don’t.

I’d like to go further on things liberals support, but it changes based on what liberal you talk to and how they might be feeling that morning. Generally, if it’s bad for the economy and bad for man, they probably support it.

3. Register with the Republican Party.

The IRS scandals never end. If you feel like you could use a little extra flak, go ahead and declare association with the Republican Party.  Make sure you have 7 years of receipts stored up, or just claim you went paperless and sadly, all the exact information they need for your audit got lost when your computer crashed.

4. Defend TRUE tolerance and religious freedom.

Our first amendment rights have so boldly been infringed upon that now, we hardly notice.  A couple cases that did break the media stronghold however, are what happened to D’Souza and Robert Spencer. And don’t even get me started on the Second Amendment, which as we all know, was not created to restrict hunting, but rather a totalitarian government.

5. Be proud to be “One Nation, Under God.”

If you really want to know the secret on how to catch the most flak, and you’re ready to take this to the pro levels, follow the 4 steps above and be a male of lighter complexion. Now, if you are really crazy, claim to be a follower of Jesus Christ. I hope someone thought of Captain America just then. But all joking aside, the Captain got a lot of flak, and the prejudice doesn’t end with the books.

Bethany Paquette was denied a job to a once respected company because she graduated from a Christian college that required students to refrain from sexual intimacy outside of heterosexual marriage, or risk expulsion. The loudest preachers for tolerance are often the most lacking.

In John 15:18 Jesus said, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.” If you don’t have any enemies, you’re not an effective witness.

So, who wants some flak? I’m sure there’s enough for everyone.


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