D.C. Dog and Pony Show

dog_and_pony_showI work in a small gun shop in southern Kentucky as a certified law enforcement armorer and salesman. It was of great importance to me when, on this past January 16th, the Presidunce of All 57 States issued his puerile 23 executive orders on gun regulation to much fanfare by the liberal media illiterati feverishly sweating like a gaggle of tweenagers watching Justin Bieber poll dance on a stick of butter.

The only public reaction I could see from behind my gun counter however was that the following week was not one of supplicant public compliance but that our sales literally doubled as a result of increasingly justified public angst at the Fresh Prince of Punahou attempting to terminate one of our most cherished rights and institutions.


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When Obama issued his stentorian 23 executive orders, I at first I believed that he was suffering from a terminal bout of cranial-rectal inversion syndrome combined with an acute episode of verbal diarrhea that leaked out of his pen with a resultant prognosis of politically unintended consequences. It appears that he has compounded the liberal gun problem with a hemorrhagic brain fart of Michael Moore proportions.

According to my calculus, if Presidunce 57 had intended to decrease the trade in guns among the law-abiding populace yet his resulting intellectually challenged learning curve cascaded into a geometric increase in gun sales for other purveyors of chaos and mayhem like me, can it be said this is the first time during his tenure that he has actually created and saved jobs? If he put a prohibition on buying Chevy Volts, do you think Government Motors would sell any?

But just so you folks don’t think I’m merely snarking at the window licking occupants of the Hope and Change 2.0 short bus, let’s visit what these new 23 executive orders entail. Here’s what was found in the WSJ.



Is it an inconvenient truth that everything that is contained in these executive orders are already administered under current federal law?! This isn’t a time to panic, folks…it’s a time to point and laugh! Remember that these reinvigorated rules of the road were concocted by a guy who burned a lot of brain cells smoking pot during high school and college while squiring around in “mom jeans” on his days off while riding his daughter’s bike. Without a Secret Service detail, this guy is a wuss cake.

But let’s recap what is really contained in this Obamaholic Dog and Pony Circus. Don’t get me wrong, I trust this guy about as far as he can pee down the front of his own mom jeans. My intent is to allay any fears from my brothers and sisters of the Gun Culture Club so we conservatives don’t get distracted by what legislation  may be coming at us from Sen Dianne Feinstein’s [D-ouche] revival of the ol’ Brady Bill on steroids.
Remember that Presidunce 57 can only regulate what laws are already on the books and that only Congress can change those laws. But let’s have a closer look at a few of Obama’s 23 Diktats.

1.Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system.

OK, he is going to “…issue a Presidential Memorandum…”, essentially a POTUS post-it note, to re-iterate what is already done in the National Instant Criminal Background Check System [NICS] on Firearms Transaction Record Form 4473?

When I do a NICS check on someone after they have filled out Form 4473, if there is a ding on someone’s record like a felony or pending domestic violence charge or he/she is crazy as a clown car of tumescent monkeys, etc., then the local state agencies log that data in the FBI database. That felon’s [or monkey’s] record flags and the transfer of that weapon is denied. Number One is redundant regurgitation of established procedure.

4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks.

Point of order…does this also apply to that same Attorney General vis-a-vis his direct involvement in Operation Fast and Furious? He slipped through a pretty big executive privilege crack near the vicinity of the White House. Border Agent Brian Terry is still unavailable for comment.

6. Publish a letter from ATF to federally licensed gun dealers providing guidance on how to run background checks for private sellers.

I have in my possession, given to me by an ATF agent at a recent seminar, ATF Publication 5300.4 [Federal Firearms Regulations Reference Guide] which is available on their website for free. It is a 243 page guide book with a complete index outlining the very thing that the Presidunce wants to publish in his letter. Sorry, Presidunce 57, it was published in 2005. Bush 43 beat you to it.


7. Launch a national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign.

Uh…we got one of those, Mr Presidunce. It’s called the NRA. Been doing that “ safe and responsible gun ownership” thingy since we freed the slaves and showed them how to use guns back in 1871 to shoot Occupy Dixie DemoKKKrats. However, if the Presidunce had a modicum of intellectual curiosity between tee times, federal law already has a “national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign” that started under Bubba Jeff Clinton in 1994 and called the “Youth Handgun Safety Act”.


13. Maximize enforcement efforts to prevent gun violence and prosecute gun crime.

OK…did Biden and Presidunce 57 overdose on their stupid pills that morning? I believe that Joltin’ Joe already has said that the federal government can’t enforce the old laws so that’s why we need need new ones. These two are so off the same page that I don’t think either would find anything reasonably amiss if they bumped into each other naked in Rosie O’Donnell’s bidet.


16. Clarify that the Affordable Care Act [ObamaCare] does not prohibit doctors asking their patients about guns in their homes.

That’s fine. If my doctor wants to ask me a dishonestly loaded question, I am under no compunction to give him an honest answer. If my doctor asks, the answer is “no”. My doctor is there to tend to my male-patterned alopecia and Viagra addiction.

My doctor is not there to prosecute my constitutional rights on behalf of a presidunce.

As you can see, Obama’s 23 stipulations of superfluity are hardly cause for alarm. They were necessary to inflate Obama’s already bursting ego while conflating his vapid sense of ethics to demonstrate that he’s “doing something” about socialism’s past failures of gun control legislation while getting his mug on every 24/7 channel of the Obamaland TV Network.

Never forget that Washington is Hollywood for ugly people where even dead little kids are a crisis that a liberal never wants to waste.


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