If ‘Mothers Against Drunk Driving’ Were To Adopt ‘Mayors Against Illegal Guns’ Tactics

mothers-against-drunk-driving-grad-photo_jpgImagine if Mothers Against Drunk Driving had employed the same tactics that groups like Bloomberg’s Mayors Against Illegal Guns or Moms Demand Action use. What would that look like?

First of all they would have to change their name to something like Mothers Against Illegal Cars. Their goal would be to stop car violence and get illegal cars out of the hands of bad people and to prevent children from having their lives ruined by car violence. That’s all. They wouldn’t try to take everyone’s cars away, it’s just common sense.

First they would start with, let’s say a Nissan Pathfinder. So this new MAIC group would start targeting Nissan Pathfinders. They would harass Joe’s Auto Mall and tell them they need to stop selling Nissan Pathfinders or accuse them of hating teenagers. MAIC will then need to go places like Staples and tell them they can’t print ads or business cars for Joe’s Auto Mall because it sells Nissan Pathfinders. Then they will go to Your Neighborhood Grocery Store and bully them for actually allowing Nissan Pathfinders to park in their parking lots. Nissan Pathfinders are now outlawed, therefore it is an illegal car.

Next, they’ll go after Honda Civics because someone was killed BY a Honda Civic (well, it certainly wasn’t the drunk driver, right?) Honda Civics are kind of cute, and look there’s a pretty purple one. Those evil car people are now targeting innocent young women! They are trying to make driving look desirable to women! Women don’t need to drive, they will only hurt themselves. They need to call a professional, they need to call a taxi, an expert trained to drive. Someone will take that purple Civic away from a young woman and just use it against her. Time to boycott Honda dealers and tell them to quit marketing to young women! Those evil people. They don’t care about anyone’s safety, all they care about is their precious cars.

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But MAIC isn’t trying to take cars away from everyone. Stop being paranoid. They simply want to get illegal cars off the streets. We just need a new law. Everyone who buys or sells a car must have a background check to make sure buyer is legally able and fully qualified to own a car. Everyone who buys a car must have driver’s license and insurance. That will do it. Stopping people from driving illegal cars will prevent people from ever driving drunk again. That’s how it works, right?

Now that they have managed to make Honda Civics and Nissan Pathfinders illegal, it’s time to go after the extremists. There is no reason to own a vehicle that carries more than seven people. Your family van carries eight kids to the soccer game because you carpool? Extremist! Child hater! Racist! You pretend you drive one of those big scary looking SUVs because they are supposed to be “safer” for your kids. You don’t care about protecting you kids, you just care about doing the most damage you can when you wreck it while drinking.

You have three cars! Why? Who needs three cars? You’re just creating an arsenal of car-weapons, you’re hoarding, you must be planning an attack on the government and innocent people with all those cars! You are extreme and crazy! You must be arrested and your cars must be confiscated.

And buses, don’t even get me started on buses. Who on earth ever thought it was a good idea to create a vehicle to carry a large capacity of people?! That just makes it so more people can be killed at once if their vehicle is involved in violence. But a bus isn’t a car you say, that doesn’t apply. You are correct – a bus is an assault vehicle! That’s worse! How can you not see that?

Pretty pathetic, isn’t it? If Mothers Against Drunk Drivers had employed the same anti-car tactics as anti-gunners, would they have made any impact, had any influence? No, they would have been laughed out before they even got started. They will never be known as anti-car or anti-car-violence. MADD addresses a personal choice and behavior, not an inanimate object. They do not hold all car owners responsible for what a few people choose to irresponsibly do. They actually are being reasonable. More people should try it sometime.


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